I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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