epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
