I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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