This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
