forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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