im drinking this country out of the recession.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
