I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dick has a subreddit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
