So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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