Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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