Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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