Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
