Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
