I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
