What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize