i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if only i could text you this smell
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
