Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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