haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
