and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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