Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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