I accidentally burped into my bong.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
God, I missed his penis.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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