Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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