the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize
