he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
