I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone came in the potted fern
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
