butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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