I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
