Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
