I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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