The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
