y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
