It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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