Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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