That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
