i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
