You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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