I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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