I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
