I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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