i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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