I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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