You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
