ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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