At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
