I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
