I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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