Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
