NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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