so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
