i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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