Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
