Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
