I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
did i walk over a car last night?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
