so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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