I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
