my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
