Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Even my vagina gasped.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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