Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
