I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
MIDGETS
????
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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