Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
