That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She told me I should be a condom model.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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