Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
