my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize