There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
