he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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