clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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