Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My ass is underappreciated
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
