I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
