i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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